There are so many obstacles that lend themselves to tear a person down. It isn't just the challenge of the obstacle. It is the anxiety beforehand and the apprehension afterwards. Inspirational words are so trite when enduring the obstacle. No matter what you do, the words cannot penetrate the wall of negativity and defeatism. What wins? The obstacle or you? I never believed in ultimatums because even an ultimatum is a choice disguised. There are some obstacles that are so consuming and draining that the choice couldn't possibly exist. Life is the ultimatum. You either choose to live or you don't. Going through the motions... that is a choice. When you look at it, it is a living. Maybe the motions are enough living to get you over that obstacle, don't you think?
Amusement
People care, people don't care. They all suck a little bit of life and light from your day. As much as you want to glow a brilliant light, there are times when you have no energy and no warmth to bestow upon the world. Change is a choice and in those choices, questions arise. "That's different", "you're out of it" they say. They have no idea what to do. Change forces people to think and it scares them. Some run away. Some accept it. Some try to understand. It's all an amusement, this life. There really isn't any point to ride a roller coaster of emotions, scary drops and nauseating twist and turns. Life is an amusement park with nothing to offer but a passage of time. Along the way you laugh, you may cry, and you may just get tired of all the rides. Yet for some reason, we keep going back. There is no meaning to life, it just is life. We try so hard to project some grand gold star effort, check off lists of things to do and buckets to fill. There are lessons to be learned and advice to be given, yet failure, pain, and negativity persists. It is a wonderland. I wonder what is the point of being happy, only to be left with an indelible memory. I wonder what is the point to be hurt by someone you love only to be jaded in any future relationship. I wonder what it is to learn the lessons well and poorly. Humans are eternal screw ups. We fell from grace and somehow there is an amusement to trying to save face, but who are we trying to impress?
God you must be hilarious. Looking down on us as we spin out of control, regain some footing then fall apart again. We can't get enlightened like the Dalai Lama... So what are we here for but for amusement. I have to shake my head to that take... And wonder. People look at kids with all of this hope masking all the fear. We are freaked out to think they have to live this life and move through this world. Some of us give them the tools to survive and we can only hope they thrive. Even with all the tools and all the blessings, there is the imminent reality of time, causality, action and reaction, individual agenda, and soul wrenching obstacles.
Sometimes I just want to step outside of the amusement park and walk away.
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